“Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.”

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.

There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.

We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.

That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.

But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…

My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’

You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!

Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”

I realized I could not fulfill my responsibilities to the team from both a time and energy standpoint. I need to take a step back and take some time away, both mentally and physically in order to prepare for the upcoming NBA season.

Whenever you feel uncomfortable, instead of retreating back into your old comfort zone, pat yourself on the back and say, “I must be growing,” and continue moving forward.

Black culture is something I don’t relate to much at all.

1992 is not a year I shall look back on with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it hasturned out to be an Annus Horribilis.

[On dishonest business methods:] … frequently the defender of the practice falls back on the Christian doctrine of charity, and points out that we are erring mortals and must allow for each other’s weaknesses!.

If you want a candidate who is led the fight against Obamacare, who will lift the burdens on small businesses and bring back jobs, I’m the only candidate in the race with that proven record.

Millions of Americans are standing up and saying, ‘We want our country back!’ Republicans, Democrats, Independents, will not go down the path of Greece, we will not go quietly into the night.

I would never turn my back on my fellow citizens.