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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

Alan King

I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
ALAN KING

Always Dinner First Morning Plan Thing
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING

Better Salami Sex Slice Thickly
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING

Day Decide Dinner Go Morning Through
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING

Modesty One Virtue
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KING

Attack Fun Make Somebody
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KING

Eat Every Holiday Jewish Kill Summer Try Won
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING

Bank Banker Chain Come Down Friend Image New Pen
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
ALAN KING

Ball Everything Matzoh Mother Sank
But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
ALAN KING

Fun heavy Love More Movie Much
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING

Again Apple Cloudy Drank Faint Juice Little Morning Nurse One Pour Run Specimen Tube
Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KING

Business Course Have Hook Learn Survive
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
ALAN KING

Any Believe More Nobody Trust
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING

Being Bird Come Early Gonna Mind Sixty-five Special Tell
My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KING

Ate Clean Good House Kept Mother
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING

Armor Eat Place Suit
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING

Anyone Food Friendship Imagine Interest Last Like More Someone

Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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