“Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.”

One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’

We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.

For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.

Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.

Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.

As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.

It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.

I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.

Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

I was a high school throw-out.

My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.

Keep your eyes open to your mercies. The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life.

The European Central Bank has only the first. It has no commitment to keep employment up.

A wise ruler ought never to keep faith when by doing so it would be against his interests.

Absences are a good influence in love and keep it bright and delicate.

Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.

My life is the road, man. I need to keep moving.

I think I can keep a rhythm to a beat, but there are quite a few people who would argue with me.

So choose to keep your focus on that which is truly magnificent, beautiful, uplifting and joyful.