Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KINGMarriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
More Alan King Quotes
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING