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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

Alan King

I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
ALAN KING

Always Dinner First Morning Plan Thing
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING

Armor Eat Place Suit
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING

Again Apple Cloudy Drank Faint Juice Little Morning Nurse One Pour Run Specimen Tube
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KING

Dictator Full Life Little Run Try World
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KING

Apple Every Gave Hospital Juice Morning
For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KING

Always Birthday Joke Me Such Time
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KING

Egg Except Food Life Only Pleasure Salami Second Sex
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING

Bran Fifteen Last Live Longer Spend Toilet Year
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING

Amazing Away Call Comedy Get Hard Laugh Once Turn
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING

Get Good Know Look Old People Tell
When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING

All Birthday Celebrate Everybody Father Kid Tell Tree Use
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING

Day Decide Dinner Go Morning Through
Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
ALAN KING

Comedy Create Nothing Reflection
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING

Bank Banker Chain Come Down Friend Image New Pen
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
ALAN KING

Funny Holocaust Joke Make Occur People Way
That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KING

Great New Older Thing Year

My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

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