It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
ALAN KINGMy favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
More Alan King Quotes
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING