You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KINGMy favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
More Alan King Quotes
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING