When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KINGI’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING