I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KINGI made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KINGBanks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KINGIt’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KINGMy brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KINGMilton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KINGOne thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KINGComedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
ALAN KINGVillains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
ALAN KINGMy mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
ALAN KINGAnd humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KINGWe get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KINGLarry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
ALAN KINGI was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGThere’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
ALAN KINGWe watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
ALAN KING