He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARXI don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX