I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I get depressed at airports.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA