We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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I’d never hurt another person.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
ADAM CAROLLA






