People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
ADAM CAROLLATo make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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I’d never hurt another person.
ADAM CAROLLA