The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLAIf my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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