If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
ADAM CAROLLAIf my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
ADAM CAROLLA






