Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARXAny place I hang my head is home.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX






