Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN