“Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.”

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.

Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.

Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Its all in the mind, you know.

This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in

We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.

In the human race today, you came last.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.

What’s more constructive for our kids is to go on a case-by-case basis, evaluating particular policies.

And in many cases as yet unpublished, archaeological data. This is a virtual encyclopedia of the Exodus.

In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.

The opposite of love is not to hate but to separate. If love and hate have something in common it is because, in both cases, their energy is that of bringing and holding together

We are not sure we are right until we have made the best case possible for those who are wrong.

Young men of this class never do anything for themselves that they can get other people to do for them, and it is the infatuation, the devotion, the superstition of others that keeps them going. These others in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred are women.

We have known an emotion which is in every case the same in kind, if not in degree; an emotion precious and uplifting.

In that case Mr. Barrow, Mr. Gehrig is a very underpaid ballplayer.