If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGANPolicemen are numbered in case they get lost.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN