A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGANOnly on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN






