If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGANI have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGAN