I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGANAnd God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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I told you I was sick.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






