I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
SPIKE MILLIGANHow long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
SPIKE MILLIGAN