My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGANHow long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN