My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGANContraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN