A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARXRoom service? Send up a larger room.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Time wounds all heels.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX