Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARXRoom service? Send up a larger room.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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All geniuses die young.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX






