So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLINReligion is just mind control.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Life is tough, then you die.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN