An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
WILL ROGERSIf there are no dogs on Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.
More Will Rogers Quotes
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What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
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There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
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A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
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There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
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Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
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Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.
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Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.
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Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.
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The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
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Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
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It isn’t what we don’t know that gives us trouble, it’s what we know that ain’t so.
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Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
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Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
WILL ROGERS