When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDSI never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS -
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS -
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS -
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS -
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS