Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDSI never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I never met a kid I liked.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS