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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

W. C. Fields

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

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