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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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