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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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