Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDSTry till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDSSome things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDSI drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDSWhen life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDSMy illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDSNo doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDSA rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDSIf I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDSIt ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDSI spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDSI’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDSComedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDSAh, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDSThis job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDSSomebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDSIt’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS