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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

W. C. Fields

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

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