I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS -
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS