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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

W. C. Fields

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel

I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

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