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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need

I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

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