Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDSStart every day off with a smile and get it over with.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS