Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDSI have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS -
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS -
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS -
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS -
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS -
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS -
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS -
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS -
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS -
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS -
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS