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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.

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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Eat Food Funny Human
I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Hairs Himself Mirror Reflection See
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Listening Mistake Yourself
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Bacteria Culture People
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Inspirational Motivational Struggle Way Wrong Yourself
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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Friendship Gift Myself Sex

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