Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTAll those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT






