If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Clones are people two.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT