If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Clones are people two.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT