Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT