Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT