Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGANAll I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






