Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGANNever return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGANPolicemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGANThere is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGANChopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGANMany people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGANEducation isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGANA sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGANBlessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGANIn the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGANWe haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGANAll I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGANLife is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGANI told you I was sick.
SPIKE MILLIGANMy Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGANI spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGAN