I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGANAll I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGAN