Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGANRender any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGANYou can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGANMoney can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGANHow long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGANWe haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGANA bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGANIn the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGANIts all in the mind, you know.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGANListen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGANTo Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGANAll I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGANI spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGANA sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGANI told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
SPIKE MILLIGANThere is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN