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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Spike Milligan

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Myself Talk
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Better Class Enemy Friendship Money Yourself
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Come Myself Quiet
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Chance Happiness Money Myself
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Escape Eyes Loud Silence Work Yourself
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Eat Hungry Myself
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Life Sick
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Hope Myself Sing Yourself
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Children Dog Funny Rich
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Clothes Order Perfection Work
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Body Myself Time
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Spike Milligan Quotes