Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGANIn the human race today, you came last.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN