Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGANIn the human race today, you came last.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN