In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGANMy Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I told you I was sick.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN