My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.

RON WHITE

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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.

Ron White

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Between Colander Leak Slow

Bagwalas

I was always a funny guy. I don’t think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn’t a funny guy when they were young.

RON WHITE

I was always a funny guy. I don’t think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn’t a funny guy when they were young.
RON WHITE

Anybody Make
I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.

RON WHITE

I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.
RON WHITE

Central Enjoy
All I know how to do is take what’s on my mind and spit it out funny. I don’t know what else I could do besides comedy.

RON WHITE

All I know how to do is take what’s on my mind and spit it out funny. I don’t know what else I could do besides comedy.
RON WHITE

Besides Know Lake Spit
I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.

RON WHITE

I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
RON WHITE

Day Eye Nice
There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

RON WHITE

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
RON WHITE

Actual Beer Diet Drink Fat Real Scotch Tequila Year
Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.

RON WHITE

Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.
RON WHITE

Blue Fine Just Like Material
Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.

RON WHITE

Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.
RON WHITE

Day Kinds Know Like Mean Other Reprobate Somebody Way
It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.

RON WHITE

It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
RON WHITE

All Record Flip Had Went
My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I’m very ‘preacher-ish’ on stage, not by intent but because that’s where I learned to talk in front of people.

RON WHITE

My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I’m very ‘preacher-ish’ on stage, not by intent but because that’s where I learned to talk in front of people.
RON WHITE

Intent Preach Preacher Stage Uncle Use
I guarantee there’s people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.

RON WHITE

I guarantee there’s people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
RON WHITE

Complicate Guarantee
I go through about 140 cities a year.

RON WHITE

I go through about 140 cities a year.
RON WHITE

City Go Through Yera
Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it’s about. The content’s got to be great, but then it’s got to be delivered. It’s a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.

RON WHITE

Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it’s about. The content’s got to be great, but then it’s got to be delivered. It’s a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.
RON WHITE

Rhythm
I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.

RON WHITE

I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.
RON WHITE

Child Fan Huge
Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
RON WHITE

Anybody Anything Could Literacy Penetrate Say Skin
I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.

RON WHITE

I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.
RON WHITE

Christian Think
I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.

RON WHITE

I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.
RON WHITE

Plumber Rather Would

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