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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.

Ron White

I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
RON WHITE

Believe Debt Judge Late Universe Unpaidm Buy
I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.
RON WHITE

Christian Clean Comedy Good Help Need Think World
I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
RON WHITE

Bad Believe Better Bowl Game Halftime Show Socer Super
Here’s how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don’t even see me coming.
RON WHITE

Brother Come Later Number Operate Phone See Something
The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
RON WHITE

Fascinate First Football Game Hand Imagine Life Listen Made Syllable Talk Thing
As long as I stay engaged with everybody else, then I’ll create more comedy. It’s just when I shut off and stay at home… What helps me is just to keep moving.
RON WHITE

Comedy Create Engage Everybody Help Home Just Long More Stuff
I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
RON WHITE

Been Down Fine Look One Ladder
I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
RON WHITE

Daughter Face Guy Hold Left Limb Month Smile Talk Though
Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.
RON WHITE

Channel Country Different Get People Place Think Trouble
You can tell on-stage when a joke’s starting to lose its pop. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to hear it anymore; it means I don’t want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they’ve never heard.
RON WHITE

Anymore Call Hear Joke Lose Mean People Pop Stage Start Tell Want
I’m not willing to drag my fans down a road I don’t believe in. That’s just my one little principle. I’ve only got one, and that’s it.
RON WHITE

Belief Drag Fan Little On Only Principle Road Will
My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
RON WHITE

Act Always Big Crowd Do Easy Open Strong To
People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
RON WHITE

Alcoholic Drink People Say Work Workaholic
Everybody I know is a joke writer.
RON WHITE

Everybody Joke Know Writer
Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.
RON WHITE

Abolish Death Express Lane Mine Other Penalty Put State
I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.
RON WHITE

Even Kid Listen Little Love
A killer Cuban restaurant with a giant cigar bar. Have me a Cuban sandwich. That’s just like heaven to me. I’m a simple man.
RON WHITE

Cigar Cuban Giant Heaven Killer Restaurant Sanwick Simple
My show is more storytelling now than it’s ever been. It’s what I’m good at.
RON WHITE

Beem Ever Good More Show Storytelling
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
RON WHITE

Across Bridge Build Comic Kinda One People Through Two Walk
That’s the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media’s radar.
RON WHITE

Beauty Being Help Media Radar Really Star Stay Straight Under
There’s no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn’t been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you’ll look cool, I don’t get that. But I don’t watch standup anyway, so I don’t know what they’re doing.
RON WHITE

Angel Attack Comedy Concert Idea Leave Punch Some
When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
RON WHITE

Back Country Dad Drive Old Range Take Twelve Year
There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
RON WHITE

Always Been Century Comic More Other Play Quater Time
But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It’s like anything else. It’s a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.
RON WHITE

Exercise Exposure Harder Like More Much Muscle Work Writer
I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
RON WHITE

Mic Milker More Night Open
Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
RON WHITE

Diamond Minute Shut
I’d rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
RON WHITE

Big Good Part Rather Really

My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.

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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.

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Popular Authors

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