“I’d rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.”

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.

Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.

My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.

My goal is just to become a better comedian.

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.

There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.

Any time someone achieves success before they’ve earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.

Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn’t care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I’ve always done. That’s really where my best stuff comes from. I don’t know how it happens. It just happens.

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it’s being true to their nature… that’s what takes a long time to learn.

TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.

I don’t have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I’m going to keep talking. I can’t imagine a life without doing standup.

People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.

An actor should never be larger than the film he’s in.

Big business is not dangerous because it is big, but because its bigness is an unwholesome inflation created by privileges and exemptions which it ought not to enjoy.

I swear, the bigger your muscles get, the duller you are. You become fascinated with carbs and protein and ripped abs and things that are just not interesting at all.

In my opinion, the biggest achievement was by Shankar-Jaikishan. With Raj Kapoor’s ‘Barsaat,’ they changed the way we looked at playback singing.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

When a big tree falls, the ground shakes.

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

My big love was the Beatles. I was more into music.