I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.
RON WHITEI’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
More Ron White Quotes
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
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I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
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I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
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Movies are boring. It’s like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It’s just horrible.
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I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He’s probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can’t say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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There’s no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn’t been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you’ll look cool, I don’t get that. But I don’t watch standup anyway, so I don’t know what they’re doing.
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The next time you have a thought… let it go.
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I go through about 140 cities a year.
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Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.
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My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
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When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
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People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
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It never dawned on me that I had the option of becoming a comedian. I come from a little dirt street town in northwest Texas, and they really don’t talk about the arts there much on career day.
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There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
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My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.
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If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.
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My goal is just to become a better comedian.
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As long as I stay engaged with everybody else, then I’ll create more comedy. It’s just when I shut off and stay at home… What helps me is just to keep moving.
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Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it’s about. The content’s got to be great, but then it’s got to be delivered. It’s a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.
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There have been times in my life that I’ve had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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