The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
RON WHITEDonald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
More Ron White Quotes
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The next time you have a thought… let it go.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.
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You can tell on-stage when a joke’s starting to lose its pop. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to hear it anymore; it means I don’t want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they’ve never heard.
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I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.
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Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.
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If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I’m not having fun.
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A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.
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It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
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I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you’re a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
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If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.
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There have been times in my life that I’ve had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
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Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it’s 18 hours of doing not a thing.
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Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won’t give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
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Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.
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I don’t like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that’s the stuff that made me famous, and, unfortunately, I don’t do a ton of it.
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Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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Here’s how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don’t even see me coming.
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If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.
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I write these shows one joke at a time. There’s no continuity. I do try to figure an order to the stories, but there’s not continuity.
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TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
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All I know how to do is take what’s on my mind and spit it out funny. I don’t know what else I could do besides comedy.
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I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.
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