I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
RON WHITEI don’t know who in my family thinks very fast at all, including me. The things that people see me do onstage are written, so it doesn’t have to be very quick if you have all day with a pen.
More Ron White Quotes
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If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I’m not having fun.
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I consider it an honor and a privilege to give back however I can for the many sacrifices of these incredibly brave men and women.
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There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
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I want my fans to feel like we’re always in touch. Because without ’em, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.
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Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won’t give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
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If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.
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I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
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All I know how to do is take what’s on my mind and spit it out funny. I don’t know what else I could do besides comedy.
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I’m definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won’t. Then three years later I will finally try it and it’ll kill them. I got to give them more credit.
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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
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I write these shows one joke at a time. There’s no continuity. I do try to figure an order to the stories, but there’s not continuity.
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I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.
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You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
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Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
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Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
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I was a comedy fan when I was a little kid.
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My show is more storytelling now than it’s ever been. It’s what I’m good at.
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It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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I’ve got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called ‘Jayne Mansfield’s Car.’ I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.
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I didn’t get where I am today by worryin’ about how I’d feel tomorrow.
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I write all of my material. It’s all me.
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