You know, my first album, some of those jokes I’d done for twelve years because I couldn’t throw ’em out.
RON WHITEI’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
More Ron White Quotes
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.
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My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
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I do a lot of gay-friendly stuff in my show, and men, women, they all love it. I practice non-judgment in my daily life and hope other people do the same thing.
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I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
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I didn’t get where I am today by worryin’ about how I’d feel tomorrow.
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You can’t fix stupid.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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I still love to walk on stage and make people laugh, and I work very, very hard at it, and I take it seriously.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
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I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.
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I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
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I consider it an honor and a privilege to give back however I can for the many sacrifices of these incredibly brave men and women.
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Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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I guarantee there’s people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
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I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
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The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He’s probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can’t say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
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There have been times in my life that I’ve had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
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All I know how to do is take what’s on my mind and spit it out funny. I don’t know what else I could do besides comedy.
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There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
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My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.
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