I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.
RON WHITEYou can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
More Ron White Quotes
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When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable – onstage, talking, making ’em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
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The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.
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I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.
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I don’t have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I’m going to keep talking. I can’t imagine a life without doing standup.
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A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.
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The next time you have a thought… let it go.
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Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
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I write all of my material. It’s all me.
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Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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You know, my first album, some of those jokes I’d done for twelve years because I couldn’t throw ’em out.
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My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I’m very ‘preacher-ish’ on stage, not by intent but because that’s where I learned to talk in front of people.
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I’d rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
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People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
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The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.
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I’m set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it’s easy.
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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My goal is just to become a better comedian.
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That’s the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media’s radar.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.
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I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn’t care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.
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As long as I stay engaged with everybody else, then I’ll create more comedy. It’s just when I shut off and stay at home… What helps me is just to keep moving.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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