Here’s how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don’t even see me coming.
RON WHITEThe first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
More Ron White Quotes
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I don’t have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I’m going to keep talking. I can’t imagine a life without doing standup.
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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You can’t fix stupid.
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There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
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Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.
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Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.
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I’ve got a great cigar collection – it’s actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn’t going to smoke every last one of ’em.
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
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I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
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When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable – onstage, talking, making ’em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
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I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
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Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it’s about. The content’s got to be great, but then it’s got to be delivered. It’s a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.
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That’s the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media’s radar.
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You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
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Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.
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Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won’t give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
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My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
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I have a very fun life. I don’t recommend it for anybody else, but it sure has been fun for me.
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I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.
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People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.
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I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I’ve always done. That’s really where my best stuff comes from. I don’t know how it happens. It just happens.
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If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.
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Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.
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I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
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