“Let’s face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.”

I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.

I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.

If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.

I write all of my material. It’s all me.

I’ve gathered some of my close musical and comedian friends, and we’re going to see if we can’t bring a few laughs to these soldiers, raise some money, and hopefully lift their spirits.

I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.

Movies are boring. It’s like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It’s just horrible.

I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.

I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.

Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.

I always wanted to be a popular comedian.

I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.

If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I’m not having fun.

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.

There have been times in my life that I’ve had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.

I tell aspiring writers that you have to find what you must write. When you find it, you will know, because the subject matter won’t let you go. It’s not enough to write simply because you think it would be neat to be published. You have to be compelled to write. If you’re not, nothing else that you do matters.

Let us be under no illusion.

Let joy be unconfined.

Let not your zeal to share your principles entice you beyond your borders.

So let me be clear: I’m proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me.

I don’t let any personal views about religion cause me to want to take away something that’s offering the patient comfort.

Religion is like a personal computer. You let people in if you want to… We’re all gods.

Why don’t you bring your face up here and let me punch it? Then you can tell me (if I’m stronger).