Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD