My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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