I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD