The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD