Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






