Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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