When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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