Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD