I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD