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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Halloween Kind Life Look Parent Sent

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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Again Boyfriend Broke Her Marriage Trock Up Wife
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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Everyone Fruit Hear Met Morning Ridiculous Underwear Yet
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Brown Sie Told Uncle Wear Wish Yellow
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Interrupt Spoken Wife Year
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Family Found Look Nap Tree Was
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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Born Doctor Mother Slap Ugly
My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Ben Big Clock Country Cousin Find Gay
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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Come Drink Go Juice Prune Take Viagra
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Father Finger Kidnap More Piece Proof Remember Sent Time Want
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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Dog Drink Glass Kiss Lip Married Stay Tough Wife
Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Bowl Just Life Pit

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