At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOn Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD