A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOn Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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