My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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