I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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