I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD