I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD