I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD