I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWith me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELDIf it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOne year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThe way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOn Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD