My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDActing deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWith me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWe sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOne year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDLife is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDYeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD