I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






