Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy mother had morning sickness after I was born.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD