My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD