My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD