With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD