We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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